To start:
What has now become this blog post started simply as my reflection about my own life and relationships. It then just started expanding to what it is. What I’m expressing can be debated and argued in many ways, which I’m well aware. However, there’s a price to pay both for speaking up and remaining silent and remaining silent is far worse.
I write this with the intention to share my perspectives & analysis of our current social/relational health & what I see to be symptoms of a sick society to spark conversation to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
For anyone who loves psychoanalyzing (like me), keep in mind I share this with the awareness of my own projections and shortcomings. I’m a real, imperfect, work-in-progress being just like you! And isn’t that something to celebrate!
This is a passion topic of mine that maybe will spark conversation and even inspire change in whoever reads this.
So what keeps people single for longer nowadays?
Analysis paralysis / decision fatigue
Too many choices! ….people, ways to date, apps, etc.
Back in the day, decisions were easier BECAUSE THERE WERE FEWER OF THEM.
We’re bombarded with options, info, data, choices, decisions, marketing, manipulation left/right, up/down, front/back. We’re trapped in decision mania! This state of being can:
A. exhaust us, leaving little energy to put into any other person
B. lead us into so many different directions we end up chasing two rabbits catching neither.
No wonder we’re stressed, fatigued, maybe depressed, anxious and needing coffee/alcohol/weed.
How can I, as an individual, help solve this? Limit the need to make decisions. Choose something or someone, commit to it/them, go after it, and if there’s issues, look to change and expand ME as the solution rather than feeling like I need to change the outside person/circumstance(s).
2. WAKE UP! Social media
Social media replaces the primal human need of connection & attention so we think we don’t need a partner or other people around when in actuality, all we’re really craving is connection, validation, understanding, attention, and love.
And where we do we get those from? Ourselves, first. AND OTHER HUMANS.
Not just an app!
An app mostly provides a FALSE sense of connection in our brains, which leaves our energy and body depleted of its true needs and is what I theorize contributes, in part, to the increasing rates of suicide/depression/anxiety.
Social media is a tool. It can be used for good and for bad. It’s also gamified (gamification, you can research it). It can lead to addiction, which people can subconsciously choose to prioritize their time & energy with over building true, meaningful, deep connections and relationships with people.
3. Perfection obsession
If we’re not perfect, we’re not good enough.
If we’re not good enough, we’re UNWORTHY.
If we believe we’re unworthy—unworthy of anything, like the partner, life, or love we truly want—then we’re unable to accept love, much less are blind to it even if it has hit us upside the head and is STARING US IN THE FACE.
We start believing lies. We see false, unrealistic expectations in media and start BELIEVING that THAT is what’s real.
After all at the deepest levels, in our brains and with the way mirror neurons and synapses work, we are unable to interpret the difference between real and fantasy. We become scared and fearful that we’re unlovable and if we try, we’ll fail. That without being perfect, whether conscious or not, we immediately decide no one can love us because what’s really going on is we don’t love ourselves. It’s safer to not risk then to try at all.
4. Feminism movement
Don’t get me wrong here. I’m all about power to the females.
However, we’ve tipped so far to the opposite extreme that we’ve out-balanced the scales in the other direction.
Generally speaking, I observe men now becoming more disempowered. I’m generalizing here, however, men used to have purpose!
They would thrive being in their purpose as “breadwinners” providing for their families and being VALUED. Just like a woman wants to feel valuable, SO DOES A MAN. I believe we all can play these roles regardless of gender. And this topic is worthy of much more discussion than what I’m offering here now.
I just don’t believe we need to empower one group by disempowering the other. By doing that we’re just perpetuating the original problem with the variables reversed.
In my opinion, the feminism movement needs us as individuals to rebalance and understand our own feminine/masculine energy dynamics so that regardless of gender, we can healthfully express both our energetic spectrum & bring balance into our lives & relationships.
5. Millennial mindset
“I can throw it away and get a brand new, better one tomorrow.”
We’re not taught to problem solve & critically think as much anymore.
This leaks into our relationships because the second something goes wrong, all we see is “problem” “danger” “flashback to parents broken relationship”, flashing red lights and we run away! We dump it and get a new one.
We’re not as tough skinned as our parents. We’re not as committed or willing to stick out the hard times. We’re made so available to new options that fixing something that may appear broken (that more often than not can be easily fixed) is not even on our radar anymore.
We’re off to the next new thing. The big adventure. The new experience. The fresh people.
What if instead, YOU became the fresh person? YOU dove into YOURSELF and moved a few things around to have fresh eyes and a new perspective on the person, relationship, situation, etc. you feel is bothering you or not what you’re wanting anymore?
What if it was actually pieces of YOU you’re not wanting? Parts of YOU you’re seeing reflected externally that you really don’t like/want? What if you could shift to fully acknowledge, accept, and unconditionally love every piece of you as much as the other?
I’m going to give you a big hint here: 99.999% of your problems... are yours and because of you, not anyone else. Maybe you think that’s hate speech. I think it’s truth speech.
The more you can reflect on yourself and expand yourself, the less problems you have, the more empowered you are, and the easier it is to let go of being a victim of life and live true to yourself.
If any of this resonates with you, I’d love to hear about it! Comment below, message via website, or find me @sadieeeelizabeth.
I’m passionate about leading a Moment Movement in this society where we value, cherish, and feel gratitude for each moment, guiding us toward greater love and connection to self, others, and nature. The best way to start it, is to be it!
I’ve been learning to BE IT for years. I invite you to join me! It’s a fun way to live. All You Need is Love anyway.
Love and light to you millennial trendsetters!